10 Things About… Beards

1. An estimated 55% of men around the world have some type of facial hair.
2. Beards used to be mainly for pirates, bikers and/or otherwise ugly dudes. Ergo, good looking guys today who sport beards are culturally appropriating one of the few good things the not-so-good looking have going for them.
3. Beards went out of style in the early 1900s because they were thought to be full of the bacteria that cause tuberculosis. But honestly everything related to hygiene in the early 1900s was disgusting AF.
4. Abe Lincoln was the first president with a beard. Benjamin Harrison (1889–1893) was the last. The next president with a beard will be Mike Pence. /rimshot
5. This is an excellent picture of James Beard and Julia Child together.

“You love, butter? I do, too!”

6. The NHL tradition of growing a playoff beard only dates back to the early 80s and the New York Islanders (out of Long Island) who hoisted 4 straight Stanley Cups above their beardy no teeth faces.

7. Pogonophobia is the abnormal and persistent fear of beards.

8. No one’s fooled by your chin strap beard, you weak-chinned yokel, you.

9. Four Classification sub-things about beards:

A. Mutton chops aren’t beards per se but Lemmy from Motorhead had them, so they’re awesome.

B. What’s the demarcation between stubble, scruff and an actual beard? Not a “10 Things” thing, I just really want to know.

C. It’s completely legal in the continental United States to punch someone who is being pedantic about what’s a Van Dyke and what’s a goatee. I mean, look it up if you don’t believe me.

D. Coach Beard on Ted Lasso is played by a guy named Brendan and I’m sorry but Brendans don’t have beards.

10. And finally, a tale of rock’n’roll’s most famous beards: Were ZZ Top’s badass belt length, soup strainers a well-planned marketing gimmick? Uh, no:

During what turned into a lengthy hiatus — Frank Beard(!) emerged from rehab only to disappear into the Caribbean, (Gibbons later admitted they had become “virtual unknowns to each other.”) In fact, he wasn’t even aware that Hill had also decided to go unshaven, as well. “We’d gotten really, really lazy,” Gibbons told the Caller-Times in 2005. “Nobody had bothered to shave. In simple terms, that’s exactly how it started.”