10 Things About… Toilets
1. Dave Barry wrote about toilet testers. These are highly trained mechanical engineers, fully versed in things like fluid dynamics, various sorts of plumbing and septic systems, and have highly technical, scientific names for the different kinds of bowel movements they test for in every device. Namely: “sinkers” and “floaters”.
2. Bidets had a big sales surge at the ‘toilet paper shortage’ stage of the pandemic last year according to Allure magazine.
3. This image that the Allure editors put above the bidet article is batshit crazy. I mean, there could be a 10 Things about this image alone.
4. In relation to total population figures, per person revenues were $40.60/American for the Toilet Paper industrial complex. TP revenue is a $31 billion/year market domestically and $64 billion worldwide. We’re nearly half the TP sales in the world! U-S-A U-S-A!
5. Speaking of nationalism and toilets, how crazy do Americans look when we get to Australia and the first thing that fills us with delight aren’t the marsupials or beautiful beaches, but the Coriolis effect when we flush an Aussie toilet. (Wait, not true? Tha f***=? Is nothing sacred any more? This is why no one likes journalists, WaPo.)
6. This meme makes me laugh so much.
7. Flushing is the biggest water hog in the house. Older, conventional toilets can use 5 to 7 gallons per flush, but low-flow models use as little as 1.6 gallons. The average person flushes five times a day. (Have we talked about my insane water drinking? Legit, I’m close to 2 gallons of H20 per day, and trust me on this, I’m flushing way more than 5 times per diem. You really don’t want me in your camp during the apocalypse if you don’t have a really good source for freshwater.)
8. Because of that TMI, I dig the two-flush option toilet. Smart. Here’s Bob Vila coaching you through installing a dual flush kit if you’re up for it. https://www.thisoldhouse.com/plumbing/21016877/how-to-install-a-dual-flush-toilet
9. A lot of guys I know like to say things like, “I destroyed that toilet, man!” Which I think probably over-assigns value(and acidity/force/etc.) to their BMs and undervalues the American toilet industry’s R&D. Not to mention, that it’s also a very weird sort of humblebrag. Here’s the toilet destruction scene in Ace Ventura.
10. This article on the five families of New York port-a-potty rentals is kinda amazing and is perfect for reading when you’re uh, well, y’know.